Let’s take it to the … tweets

The klaws are out: it's Khanyi vs Kelly!

This isn’t exactly Biggie vs Pac or even Naomi vs Tyra, but there’s nothing like a little beef to get the masses gossiping, now is there?

Self-styled Queen of Bling, famous-for-what again?-being famous Khanyi Mbau and lukewarm hit-maker, one-time virgin and perennial onstage flasher-of-goodies, Kelly Khumalo, are taking their beef to the streets tweets. At least, Miss Mbau is…

Here’s a little background, for those of you who have better things to do than read Sunday World: the beef between the pocket-sized popstresses has been coming on for a while, recently escalating on the island of Zanzibar during the shooting of some such reality TV whatevers courtesy of that so-called beverage, Tropika. K and K couldn’t stand the sight of each other, apparently.

Then this morning’s Sunday World runs a story on the fued, which reached boiling point at this past week’s Feather Awards. According to the article:

A source told Sunday World that Khumalo was chatting to her celebrity friends in the bathroom. She storm ed out fuming after Mbau walked in, complaining that “the bathrooms were not five star”. “Khumalo said ‘Nxa, f**k this cheapskate’,” says the source.

Khumalo revealed on Friday during Penny Lebyane’s show on Metro FM that there is no room for reconciliation between her and Mbau. She allegedly told Lebyane that Mbau is not important and she does not want her name in the same sentence with her (Mbau).

And of course Miss Mbau wasn’t going to let the chance for some free publicity to tell her side of the story go:

“But I have been stomaching her nonsense for too long. I have changed five cars and she still drives that Toyota of hers .”

Mbau went on to say she’s won awards and Khumalo has won nothing .

She says she is on the database of Louis Vuitton, and Khumalo has never been inside the store.

“At age 24 Khumalo was not near where I am today, I have lived at addresses she can only dream of .

“I have been married and I’m a mother, so she must not talk about levels or call me a cheapskate, because she is a cheaper skate .”

And that obviously wasn’t the end of it. Khanyi took to her twitter account (TheRealMissK) to let the world know exactly where she stands on the whole matter. She stated that it wasn’t ‘revenge’ and ‘my twitter account is a platform for me to express myself, She did it on metro…’ And boy, did she express herself:

Kelly Kelly Kelly… would I be lying if I said that not only does she LOOK cheap, she IS a cheap scate. just thought I should clear things

[In response to Bonang Matheba's 'TJO']  but Im telling the truth.. an Orangutan, telling me that Im a “cheapscate”?.. IMAGINE. I’ve held my peace 4 too long!

Ohk, to those that dont know- SUNDAY WORLD page 2… and NO, Im honestly not “angry” or have beef, just telling it like it is..

LOL… you guys are killing me! one suggested we have a “Khanyi vs Kelly” event… were we get to see who is THE ULTIMATE ENTERTAINER!..

Guys.. I’ve heard your cry for a “Khanyi vs Kelly” event… (lol)… I think you asking the wrong person… a charity event? a boxing ring?

I’ll not degrade myself… nah, she aint worth it… raising funds for charity would be fun though…

All I know is, that at times like this, I’m so thankful I’m childless. With Khanyi’s Facebook group (A Diva never dies) just reaching it’s 7 000th member, her (and Kelly’s for that matter) influence isn’t to be denied. And the thought of my {potential} offspring idolising these celebs … ooowweeee!

Pic via.

SAMAs wrap up

So Saturday night was The. Biggest. Night. In. SA. Music. I didn’t go to the event – my scruffy self tends to avoid any highly schleb populated areas like the plague – and I’m actually kicking myself. The regret started on Friday, when I ran into an old friend in Sandton who was heading there. She was last minute outfit shopping [and I kept thinking about my stunning red dress hanging in the wardrobe unworn, patiently waiting for a suitable occasion ... aaargh.. why didn't I RSVP like a good girl?] Anyways, whatevs. I might’ve missed the GALA, but SABC1 hooked us up with a live broadcast.

The true winner on the night was the MC, Trevor Noah. Damn. Dude brung it – he was totally funny, charming, professional, kept the proceedings moving despite some awkward moments. [Not to forget that dude looked seriously smooth *sigh*]. Big ups to him.

The bigger winner was mos def Miss Lira! Well done, lady, you deserve all the blessings. Not only did she scoop 4 awards (Best Female Artist, Album of the Year, Best Adult Contemporary: English and Best Remix), but she’s my pick for the night’s best dressed. A lot of the other so-called ‘starlets’ should bow down, humble themselves and prepare to be schooled by Daveyton’s own Lerato Molapo on all things style related.

She was also involved in one of the night’s funniest moments. During her backstage interview with Siya, he turned to the camera and said “Damn, Arthur, you missed out!”. The look on Lira’s face … OOOwwweeee… priceless! Props to Siya for saying what has been on everyone’s minds since Feel Good hit radio!

The unstoppable Sis Ribs took home something ridic like her 12th SAMA – stop now lady! – and used the stage time to promo her 30th album (and also: ‘Thank Gaaad. Hallelujah!’) … There isn’t a second’s doubt in my mind that she’s sitting on a couple of milli. So, why doesn’t she just get someone to dress her? Thrifty!

Other winners (in those categpries I’ve kept my eye on!):

Best Urban Dance Album: DJ Kent’s Mixing Business with Pleasure: Reloaded  beat out DJ Cleo 

Jackie (far left) looked stunning in her Abigail Betz dress. The others, not so much.

Best Pop Album: English: Jamali – 3rd Base. So happy for them. Their outfits were a bit all over the place. I know some people in cyberspace weren’t feeling it, but I loved Jackie’s Abigail Betz dress… The other two looked a bit too 90s for me.

GI's Mandla and Tumi. Love them, hate that dress!

Best Urban Pop Album: Gang Of Instrumentals – Round 3. Also, another great win. Well done. Cute – acceptance speech. Not cute – Tumi’s too-short dress that she kept pulling down on her way to accept the award. If it’s too short, don’t wear it.

Best Pop Album: African:  Theo Kgosinkwe – I Am. Well-deserved. Is it just me, or does this dude seem super cool?

Best Rock Album: English: Zebra & Giraffe – Collected Memories won in the tightly contested category (Perez, Prime Circle, The Dirty Skirts ould also have been deserving winners)

Best Rap Album: Teargas – Wafa Wafa. I really would’ve preferred Zuluboy (in my opinion, he’s the only 1 in this category who qualifies as a Hip Hop artist). But I’m glad it’s not Tippy Toes.

Best Kwaito Album: Bricks – Stop Nonsense. Am happy about this… And the little frisson (is that the word?) between Brickz and good ol’ Cleo. Oooweee! Beef. Halala!

Best Duo/Group: what a hectic category. Soweto Gospel Choir took it home (obvs. There’s no way we’re gonna let a group win a Grammy and then NOT give them a SAMA), but the other nominess (340ml, Bala Brothers, GoldFish, Joyous Celebration) were strong contenders.

Best Male Artist: Abdullah Ibrahim – Senzo

MTN Record of The Year: Rhythmic Elements – 2 By 2. Sure, Cleo came through strong (he won on downloads for Hands Up), but I just knew this was gonna be it! I actually dig this song so much..

Lifetime Achievement Award Winners: Yvonne Chaka Chaka and Anton Goosen. Well done to these two, but I think the collabo was a big mistake! SAMAs, sometimes it doesn’t pay to get creative!?!?!?

Best Rock Album: Afrikaans: Van Coke Kartel – Waaksaam & Wakker. Dig these dudes …

Best Alternative Music Album: English: 340ml – Sorry For The Delay. Yay! No xenophobe, but strictly speaking, none of these dudes are Saffas, right…? Regardless: call me, Tiago!

Best R&B/Neo-Soul Album: Bryce Anderson – Undescribable. Who?

Best Dance Album: GoldFish – Perceptions of Pacha. Yay! These guys are amazing live and I’m so happy for them.

So those are the music award winners… let’s assess the style losers.

 To be quite frank, not too many schlebs held it down in the style stakes this year. I can give props only to Lira, DJ Sbu and DJ Cleo (he even thanked Fabiani). The rest of the bold names who graced my TV screens had me sweating in my sleep. Do they just have no style? No stylists? Are they so desperate for headlines they resort to becoming ‘Fashion Don’ts’? What’s really hood, Egoliwood?

The blogosphere has been going mad about Bonang’s Diamond Face Couture dress. Whether you love it or hate it (I’m a bit ‘meh’ about it), the main issue is her legs. She’s young, she’s attractive, but some ask whether she should really be wearing something that short with those pins? [can't seem to find a good pic anywhere, but you can catch her outfit in the vid below]

Khanyi flanked by her Gay-Tourage

The second offender is Khanyi Mbau. Khanyi, Khanyi, Khanyi… Where to begin? What was that … thing … you wore? The Yellow/ Blue monstrosity is not where it’s at. If we’re to believe you (and ignore the newspaper reports that your hubby’s no longer rolling in it and defaulting on car payments), you have all the resources in the world to look superfab. Why, then, do you continue to look like a Vegas Showgirl? Also, whatever diet you’re on, stop it. Now. You’re wasting away.

It seems as though Diamond Face Couture was on a losing streak. Habitual risk-taker Uyanda Mbuli (who Sowetan calls a ‘fashion icon’), wore this. No words.

And then there was Kelly. Simply Kelly. The hair, the make-up, the 90s matric dance dress…  She claims [see vid below] that there was a malfunction with her dress and this was her last minute replacement… But surely she could’ve kitted herself out a bit better? We’ve seen her look better (and worse!) before, right?

 

Too much to talk about! Now onto the weird shenanigans and gossip roundup…

- Lekgoa/ Snotkop was the strangest comeback kid ever!

- How did the SAMAs convince KK and Khanyi to present together? It’s well known that they can’t stand the sight of each other?

- What was up with Miss Teen flirting with Hlomla onstage – strange!

- Did Sbu really dirty dance with Bonang at the afterparty… And did they leave together (read about it here)?

- Ishmael and Puff .. what’s really hood? Must SA always be the last hope for has beens?

 

 

Here’s a little video, courtesy of The Times Online, on what some of these icons of SA pop culture (psshhh!) clothed themselves in…

Pics via.

Yes we can, too?

David Kau, Chomee and Arthur at the opening of parliament

So many questions:
What were Arthur, Chomee and Khanyi Mbau doing at the opening of parliament? [I'll forgive David Kau because he's been known to blog politically]. Why is there this sudden merging of Politrix and Egoliwood? Is this another result of the Obamafication of politics? Is Arthur Mafokate the Will.i.am of South African electioneering?

It started last year when Natalie Du Toit, Lungile Radu and Lorcia Cooper kept popping up on my TV screen, giving me sombre looks and prompting me to register because ‘this is the most important election since 94′.

To be fair, celebs have always featured in campaigns – but in a very subdued manner. Pre-94, Yvonne Chaka Chaka was the official Madiba singer. After all, the free T-shirts and KFC aren’t enough to coerce anyone to listen to speech upon speech, so the easy answer is to get some muso to perform at rallies. But the scale of involvement was always small. The way I liked it.  

Fast forward to 2009, and all types of publicity hungry celebs are donning their ‘My ANC’ vests and going door-to-door to convince us where to lay our ‘X’ in April. And I don’t quite know what to make of it all. Just to clarify, before I get donnered for being anti-ANC – I’m not anti-ANC. I am definitely anti-fame-whoring behaviour. Have you seen half of these newly baptised comrades doing any kind of social upliftment/ political/ socio-whatever work before?

Why should we pretend that Chomee and Kelly Khumalo are going to convince us how to vote? I mean, I’d love to have a discussion on macro-economic policy and the benefits of market liberalisation with either of them… But something tells me that might not go well.

The City Press (p. 11, 8 Feb) ran an article this past Sunday on celebs that have been deployed in the Western Cape to convince the good citizens of Mfuleni to vote ANC. They got more than they bargained for. Apparently, ‘disgruntled residents took them to task for problems of unemployment, crime and lack of housing.’

‘Why is it that we see you visit us only when it is voting time? I don’t even know these people who are going around here,’ said Nomaslamsi Sxinti of Mfuleni.

And that’s the bottom line – most of our celebs don’t have the same type of sway as US celebs do. The Oprah Effect was said to lure 1 million voters to the Obama camp. Will Arthur be able to muster that much support? Judging by Ms Sxinti’s response, I don’t think so.

Is it really too cynical of me to question the sudden upsurge in political awareness? Publicity? Free t-shirts? Bookings at rallies? The ANC claims they haven’t asked these celebs to campaign, they’re doing it on a voluntary basis.

According to the City Press article:

The ANC has denied that the celebrities are being paid for their time and the celebrities insist they are volunteering for the party. However, the ANC has admitted it’s paying their accommodation fees. The celebrities have been staying at the Southern Sun Hotel in Cape Town, which costs R1568 a night.

Pic via.