Gaga and Bey kill it!

Earlier this week, I begged Lady Gaga to release this damn video and, viola, here it is… BTW, I’m not saying it was released because of my prompting. Although, if it was, I ain’t complaining.

Anyways, here’s the damn video. Finally. It runs just short of 10 minutes and is an absolute eyegasm.

Here are my very first reactions to it. Warning: they are rambling and incoherent.

• Mini movie… really? Tyerese is in this? WHAT?!?!
• OMG shoulder pads, latex dress, shoulder pads, walk walk fashion baby!
• Don’t be scared in that cell Gagakins
• ‘I told you she didn’t have a dick,’ guard A. Guard B: ‘Too bad.’
• Burning cigarette sunglasses… Kanye’s shutter shades look lamer by the day
• The butch dyke has my hair! ok, this is turning me on a little. Lol
• Product placement! Holla! Get that money, Gaga
• Haute prison chola look. FIGHT. Is the chick with the dark hair and wayfarers also Gaga? Looks like her
• ‘Beyonce on the line for Gaga’
• Soda can curlers, make up is so Madonna 1986, Gwen Stefani in the 90s. Love it!
• Studded leather jacket = want! Studded bra and thong = want even more!
• Gaga, can I dance, too? Please please please?
• POLICE TAPE? WHAT!
• she’s been bailed out and I want that hat … Aretha, eat your heart out! She just kick-ball-changed outta jail! loves
• Pussy Wagon! Tarantino!
• Honey Bee … DROOOOOL
• ‘Once you kill a cow, you got to make a burger’ @RevGagaWisdom
• Polaroid!
• Tyerese looking a mess!
• Chef Gaga make me a Wonderbread sammich, please?
• Cook n Kill recipe
• Selfish mofo indeed, look what you did, causing a massacre and shit
• American flags, trashy trashiness, aawww dance sequence
• Nice to see Bey as a back up dancer, but she can still outmove Gaga
• Spazzy motel room dancing. Want that royal blue jacket!
• WHAT?!?! LEOPARD CATSUIT FTW
• Burkas? Bee keeping outfits?
• To be continued… Phew! I need a cigarette after that. And I do’t even smoke! 

New York Magazine also listed ‘The Ten Best Things’ about the video:

1. The prison guards rip Gaga’s big-shouldered dress off her as they throw her in her cell. She only wears pantyhose and x-shaped nipple pasties. “Told you she didn’t have a dick,” the white trash lady prison guard says. “Too bad,” her fellow guard replies. But look closely and you’ll notice Gaga is wearing no underwear under those pantyhose and her crotch is blurred out, allowing those who legitimately wonder if she does have a dick to continue contemplating this rumor.
2. In the prison yard scene, Gaga wears sunglasses made from lit cigarettes. She already made sunglasses from razor blades so she has to be resourceful.
3. Every one of Gaga’s fellow prisoners has an extremely slutty element to their outfit. Anyone in a minidress has the hemline cut so short their crotch sticks out the bottom, while a woman in pants has her thong arching high above each buttock. And none of them are close to sexy in the traditional sense.
4. Leotards for the dance sequences have been traded for glitter bra and thong sets. Let’s be honest — this is what every diva whose dabbled in pantslessness really wants to wear while she shakes it.
5. When Gaga gets in Beyoncé’s car after she bails her out of prison, Beyoncé says, “You’ve been a very bad girl. A very, VERY bad, BAD girl, Gaga.” Then she feeds her a honey bun from a plastic bag. Hey, curves are back so carbs must be too?
6. Beyoncé looks stunning in her “good girl” banana yellow dress and matching cowboy hat and eye shadow. She got to recycle her Destiny’s Child clothes after all!
7. All the food Gaga makes looks absolutely disgusting. Does this mean carbs aren’t back? Nor are curves really? Important questions of our shifting times and culture in a new decade!
8. Beyoncé has little American flags painted on each nail.
9. The fashion in the finale dance sequence performed by Gaga, Beyoncé and the white trash in the diner is an important statement on spring fashion. The divas have embraced white trash attire — American flag dresses and panties, shredded denim — and made it look good. And yet! They have just killed every trashy patron of the diner. So all this unfortunate often trashy looking denim-on-denim we’re seeing for fall? SHALL NOT STAND.
10. Gaga writhes at the end in a leopard catsuit. The costume coupled with her movements remind us of her cat scratching dance in the “Bad Romance” video, only this sequence is spazzier. And that “Bad Romance” cat dance, quite frankly, is among the top best bad dances in music video history.

The good people at Gawker were a bit ‘meh’ about it, but this comment by eleusiswalks is the best, most concise reaction I’ve read on the Interwebs:

Queer subversion of male gaze women’s prison movies + poisonous fast food as emblem of American sexual identity + Beyonce and Lady Gaga as lesbian lover serial killers in a pussy wagon = the best music video in history.

Love this video. I want to be BeyGaga when I grown up. Sigh.

Beyonce gives back

Miss Beyonce Knowles recently opened a Cosmetology Centre at the Phoenix House, which is a rehab centre. This is where she went to research the role of Etta James, the legendary blues/ jazz singer who is a former heroin addict. Beyonce donated her entire ‘Cadillac Records’ salary to Phoenix House and decided to open a cosmetology centre where the women can gain skills they can use once they leave.

Her mother, Tina Knowles, inspired this idea because she used to own a salon in Houston, Texas. Highlight of this clip, for me, is when Mama Tina embarasses Beyonce by saying she’s praying for grandkids around the 3.50 minute mark. Moms: can’t take them no where!

‘If you want me you can catch me on your video phone’

So I’ve been watching this damn thing all day … yet I only think to blog about it before I go to bed. [Total #blogfail]. Any-beyaki, here’s the insane, beautiful, colourful, ubersexual Video Phone remix video, featuring the ever-interesting Lady Gaga.

Now my love for Mrs Hova is well-documented, so ofcourse my take on this is total stanning a bit biased… There’s just so much going on in this video. Tarantino fans (like, um, me) will get the Reservoir Dogs reference; there’s a Betty Page wig and even a little bit of M.I.A Galang flavour (am I the only person who picked that up?). But, overall, this vid is just hella sexy. Enjoy!

Guess who’s locking Vogue down – worldwide!

Miss Beyonce Knowles in Vogue Italia

Yes, not only is Mrs Carter covering US Vogue’s April 2009 issue, she’s also featured in April’s Vogue Italia. She’s not playing games.

It’s been a minute, hasn’t it?

A thousand apologies! I’ve been AWOL for almost a month now. Not a good look, at all. To make up for the absence, here’s a great look – Mrs Carter doing her thing on the April cover of Vogue US (a first for Beyonce! Yay!):

Beyonce Knowles

Pic via

Beautiful Beyonce

Absolutely stunning! This is the March 2009 edition of Fairlady magazine (on sale NOW). Not only is the cover amazing (yay, Beyonce!), but so is the content (and I’m not just saying that because …).

March is generally my favourite mag month because Fairlady does its Big Work Issue. This time around, there’s advice on forming a CC, copyrighting your ideas, being indispensable (yes, even with the recession in full swing), balancing business and family and being a great team player.

But if work isn’t your ‘thing’, there’s also a great piece on one woman’s quest to find the ultimate Sugar Daddy. How did she do it? She posted an ad on Gumtree (no, it’s not just for finding flats and selling fridges).

Other highlights:
- Sally Kramer and Tasneem Larney put bank charges to the test (and my bank account came out as the biggest loser!).

- Renata Harper gives some tips on self-publishing.

- And there’s finally some firsthand answers to that question: ‘Why do men have affairs?’

If any of this sounds appealing – of course it does! – head over to your nearest supermarket/ news agent/ book store and get it while it’s hot. If you have any issues finding Fairlady on shelves, text FAIRLADY, followed by your store’s name and the area to 32510 (costs R1 per SMS).

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