Earlier this week, I begged Lady Gaga to release this damn video and, viola, here it is… BTW, I’m not saying it was released because of my prompting. Although, if it was, I ain’t complaining.
Anyways, here’s the damn video. Finally. It runs just short of 10 minutes and is an absolute eyegasm.
Here are my very first reactions to it. Warning: they are rambling and incoherent.
- Mini movie… really? Tyerese is in this? WHAT?!?!
- OMG shoulder pads, latex dress, shoulder pads, walk walk fashion baby!
- Don’t be scared in that cell Gagakins
- ‘I told you she didn’t have a dick,’ guard A. Guard B: ‘Too bad.’
- Burning cigarette sunglasses… Kanye’s shutter shades look lamer by the day
- The butch dyke has my hair! ok, this is turning me on a little. Lol
- Product placement! Holla! Get that money, Gaga
- Haute prison chola look. FIGHT. Is the chick with the dark hair and wayfarers also Gaga? Looks like her
- ‘Beyonce on the line for Gaga’
- Soda can curlers, make up is so Madonna 1986, Gwen Stefani in the 90s. Love it!
- Studded leather jacket = want! Studded bra and thong = want even more!
- Gaga, can I dance, too? Please please please?
- POLICE TAPE? WHAT!
- she’s been bailed out and I want that hat … Aretha, eat your heart out! She just kick-ball-changed outta jail! loves
- Pussy Wagon! Tarantino!
- Honey Bee … DROOOOOL
- ‘Once you kill a cow, you got to make a burger’ @RevGagaWisdom
- Polaroid!
- Tyerese looking a mess!
- Chef Gaga make me a Wonderbread sammich, please?
- Cook n Kill recipe
- Selfish mofo indeed, look what you did, causing a massacre and shit
- American flags, trashy trashiness, aawww dance sequence
- Nice to see Bey as a back up dancer, but she can still outmove Gaga
- Spazzy motel room dancing. Want that royal blue jacket!
- WHAT?!?! LEOPARD CATSUIT FTW
- Burkas? Bee keeping outfits?
- To be continued… Phew! I need a cigarette after that. And I do’t even smoke!
New York Magazine also listed ‘The Ten Best Things’ about the video:
1. The prison guards rip Gaga’s big-shouldered dress off her as they throw her in her cell. She only wears pantyhose and x-shaped nipple pasties. “Told you she didn’t have a dick,” the white trash lady prison guard says. “Too bad,” her fellow guard replies. But look closely and you’ll notice Gaga is wearing no underwear under those pantyhose and her crotch is blurred out, allowing those who legitimately wonder if she does have a dick to continue contemplating this rumor.
2. In the prison yard scene, Gaga wears sunglasses made from lit cigarettes. She already made sunglasses from razor blades so she has to be resourceful.
3. Every one of Gaga’s fellow prisoners has an extremely slutty element to their outfit. Anyone in a minidress has the hemline cut so short their crotch sticks out the bottom, while a woman in pants has her thong arching high above each buttock. And none of them are close to sexy in the traditional sense.
4. Leotards for the dance sequences have been traded for glitter bra and thong sets. Let’s be honest — this is what every diva whose dabbled in pantslessness really wants to wear while she shakes it.
5. When Gaga gets in Beyoncé’s car after she bails her out of prison, Beyoncé says, “You’ve been a very bad girl. A very, VERY bad, BAD girl, Gaga.” Then she feeds her a honey bun from a plastic bag. Hey, curves are back so carbs must be too?
6. Beyoncé looks stunning in her “good girl” banana yellow dress and matching cowboy hat and eye shadow. She got to recycle her Destiny’s Child clothes after all!
7. All the food Gaga makes looks absolutely disgusting. Does this mean carbs aren’t back? Nor are curves really? Important questions of our shifting times and culture in a new decade!
8. Beyoncé has little American flags painted on each nail.
9. The fashion in the finale dance sequence performed by Gaga, Beyoncé and the white trash in the diner is an important statement on spring fashion. The divas have embraced white trash attire — American flag dresses and panties, shredded denim — and made it look good. And yet! They have just killed every trashy patron of the diner. So all this unfortunate often trashy looking denim-on-denim we’re seeing for fall? SHALL NOT STAND.
10. Gaga writhes at the end in a leopard catsuit. The costume coupled with her movements remind us of her cat scratching dance in the “Bad Romance” video, only this sequence is spazzier. And that “Bad Romance” cat dance, quite frankly, is among the top best bad dances in music video history.
The good people at Gawker were a bit ‘meh’ about it, but this comment by eleusiswalks is the best, most concise reaction I’ve read on the Interwebs:
Queer subversion of male gaze women’s prison movies + poisonous fast food as emblem of American sexual identity + Beyonce and Lady Gaga as lesbian lover serial killers in a pussy wagon = the best music video in history.
Love this video. I want to be BeyGaga when I grown up. Sigh.
Say what?